What happens when the thing you prayed for becomes your normal life?
You wanted more.
You moved for more.
And you got more.
But, “more” became normal enough that you started asking for more again.
More was always the goal.
It gave a heightened sense of a mountain to climb
And look at you.
Climbing it.
The thrill of climbing gave you purpose, belonging, certainty that you were made for the journey.
And as you kept inching closer and closer, one day you finally arrived.
And boy, the dopamine boost you got once arrival was there.
But suddenly, arrival was no longer something to celebrate, to acknowledge, but yet another one of those accomplishments that gets thrown into the big pile with the rest of them. What once appeared so large from far away became small. And you began to minimize the very thing you desperately wanted to arrive at all because you arrived yet again.
“I need more was constantly present.
I want more was the only belief.
I’ll have more was the motivation.
But more was never going to be enough.”
For more without contentment was merely delayed discomfort in your own everyday.
Achievement and Arrival Fallacy
Achievement changes your circumstances faster than it changes your internal definition of enough. It is easy to set a goal. But then it’s hard to reach said goal. But then it becomes easy to minimize how big the goal you just reached is once you arrive. And that’s where it’s important to take a long look and sit with the illusion of more. Because the desire for more is heroic, the persistent action to attain more is discipline, and oh, arriving at more is celebratory. But like with any celebration, the cheers, the congratulations, the gifts for arriving only live for a short time. and sometimes that short celebration is all the time we give that new more to be more. Then suddenly, more becomes minuscule.
Arrival fallacy is the belief that once one reaches a particular goal, lasting happiness and fulfillment will stay. Whether you lose the 20 lbs. before the next year, finish writing your book, double your income, or find Mr. or Mrs. right, life continues. And the more you desire becomes your everyday life. While it is easy to say one must be content, I think another angle is that one must learn stewardship of their success. For understanding the importance of stewardship, and that the more you were just striving for is worthy of stewardship it makes it harder to make something that was once so large become small again. Because contentment and ambition are allowed to be simultaneous. Which leaves us asking.
How Do I Continue Wanting More Without Allowing What I Already Have to Become Less?
Steward Your New “More”
Stewardship is the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one. Meaning, if you are stewarding your newfound more, you are giving it a level of consideration and care that allows you to know what you are managing is worthy and important. Let’s take marriage, for example. The wedding is to die for, the honeymoon is breathtaking, and your partner is the most beautiful person you have ever seen. But eventually, you’re no longer in the South of France. You go back home to Dallas, Chicago, D.C., Little Rock, or wherever you all reside, and normal routines become everyday.
It’s no longer yacht rides down the bluest water, but your partner on long business calls, cooking dinner, going to church. Does that change the value or importance of that marriage because now you’ve “arrived? Absolutely not. Well, not if you want the marriage to last. You must steward this more. Keep holding it with high regard and find a way to let your spouse know they are still as special as they were on your wedding day.
Understand Contentment and Ambition Can Work Together
Contentment does not equal complacency. One can be content and ambitious. I don’t have to accept my today as my tomorrow. You can strive for what they say is impossible and still be content with the quote-unquote possible. I actually believe, for the people who are always craving more, that’s the only way one can live. Be present, appreciative, and mindful of all you have achieved thus far, but never, and I mean never, allow that to stop your desire for more.
Remember the Journey to “More”
Oh, how quickly we forget the journey to our more. Do you not remember what it took to get here? To be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say you did exactly what you said you were going to do. Do you know how remarkable it is to set out to do something and do it?
You didn’t just register your business. You actually designed, created, and put out the most amazing product. It wasn’t you just saying, i’ll diet. You had to say no to certain foods and yes to workouts you didn’t necessarily have the energy for. You went and explored new countries whether the plans left the group chat or not, but more than anything, you believed you could and you did.
And doing is a part of that more.
For arriving at more would not have been possible if it was not for the journey first.
So perhaps the illusion is not in more, but that more would suddenly give you the permanency of “I have arrived.” Maybe the constant in arriving is better. Where you get to keep evolving, reinventing, and never having to choose between contentment and ambition.
