You can be the woman a man wants beside him without being the woman he wants to build a life with. And unfortunately you have to build up your discernment to understand the difference. Because while we can look at things on the surface level and conclude that the dating world is trash, it’s genuinely not that black and white.
I love dating. I enjoy dressing up, doing my hair and makeup, with a car waiting to take me to the first stop. Then conversing over a nice dinner paired with one of my favorite bruts. Sharing common interests like our infatuation with the arts that’s followed by travel stories. Which eventually leads to this gentleman inviting me on one of his next trips. On the surface level, that sounds fun. But this is where discernment is important. It’s my time to ask, am I his date or unknowingly an escort?
And this is where the distinction between companionship and commitment becomes gravely important. Not only understanding the difference but also understanding what you are yearning for in this season of your life. Long-term you might want commitment, marriage, the one. But it’s ok to desire those things in the future while temporarily only wanting companionship for the moment. Because there is nothing inherently wrong with any of these choices if there is a mutual agreement that this is what both parties want. I believe the lack of conversing around the distinction is what leaves so many feeling dating is horrible. When in actuality, you just might be a commitment person pairing with a companionship person.
Maybe the infamous Cheesecake Factory and a Dubai Trip can provide more context. One begins to argue the woman who accepts the Cheesecake Factory is looking for a man who has genuine interest in her. While the Dubai trip woman is merely looking for one to fund her lifestyle. But we must look at the argument beyond the woman accepting the date and examine the man creating the invitation. The Cheesecake Factory guy could be a great guy with genuine intentions. Or he could have met a young lady out and was going to the Cheesecake Factory already and thought it would be nice if she joined. The same could be true for the Dubai gentleman. This could be a man who just loves to travel, and so does she, so he plans a trip for them. Or he was already going to Dubai and thought if she’s available it would be nice for her to come as well. Whether it’s Dubai or Cheesecake Factory, neither invitation tells you much on its own. What matters are his intentions. To create an experience with you out of genuine interest or just willing to create an experience for himself that he didn’t mind you attending as well.
Too many place emphasis on the price of a date, using a woman’s preferences to make assumptions about her character. When the price of a date doesn’t mean much. Think of the story in Mark 12, the Widow’s Offering, the rich threw large amounts where the widow only threw two small copper coins. In Jesus’ eyes her treasure was worth more than the rich. She gave everything she had to live on while they merely just gave their riches. This is not to say you should date the man who makes $50,000 a year and spends his hard earned money at the Cheesecake Factory over the millionaire who can take you to Dubai. Absolutely not. There are Dubai men who want commitment just like there are Cheesecake Factory men who just want companionship. Establish a level of discernment. Take the time to figure out what you truly desire and pay attention to a man’s heart posture. That will tell you more than the price of something will.
Dating is meant to be an experience and in my humble opinion an enjoyable experience at that. So go to Dubai, the Cheesecake Factory or whatever beautiful experiences dating has to offer you. Or don’t date at all. Because it is not for every woman to desire the same thing. The goal is to encourage us to understand what we actually want and recognize when the person we’re dating wants something different. Because once again, you can be the woman a man wants beside him without being the woman he wants to build a life with. So, are you his date or unknowingly an escort?
