Poetic

In Love With His Toxicity

24 March

I told him let’s go home I got a show for him

Gotta let him know that I’m a hoe for him

Begging on bended knee while he playing Boyz 2 Men

I think I might just let him in at 4 am

I’m tryna make some something happen with my poetry

So dig deeper with my words in hopes you flow with me

I love him and hate him at the same time

I guess I’m like Evette in a different prime

I told him pull me in closer

He asked to pray with me

I looked him in his eyes and said you wait for me

Then I exhaled and realized I ain’t his b

This bitch been lying the whole time like I ain’t that b

So now I’m watching his shit burn from my left eye

While I menage trois to the next guy

He screaming fuck this hoe I can do better

I thought the same so now I’m his stepmom…

I’ve misconstrued misery for love cause I have no trust left inside of me. Excited by the thrills of your lust cause real love gives me anxiety. What fun is true love when this toxic one keeps me guessing? Not sure if I’m enough so I keep on reelecting. The same guys just in different complexions. I done had the same man about 5 times just merely with different cultural essences. He thought I was wife material cause of my intellectual prowess. Completely unaware of my toxic morality. So I attach to men that are just like me. Artistic with a religious fantasy of what traditional love can be. Only for us to mimic the toxic bliss of what we said could never be us. Would never be us. Should never be us. But never became our reality. The casualty of love withers in my heart as I remember the safety of calmness. I can’t believe I’ve gotten myself involved with a man who leaves me heartless. A love that has me calling his homeboy up like “how much do you miss me”. Not sure if I’ll be lying in the bed of my man or his mans. You see, I’m in too deep. Trying to match how he hurts me. How do I allow him to keep coming in fucking up my love life b? I had a dude that was all for me. Only to leave him astray cause I can’t get rid of this soul tie we consider love. You don’t love me. Only in love when it crosses your mind that another man has touched me. How dumb can I be? I can’t believe I’m still in love with this mans toxicity.

Here Are Five Tips To Help You Get Over A Toxic Relationship

Take some much-needed time for yourself…When was the last time you took yourself out? Well after the strength it took to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, it is imperative to take some time out for yourself. Get to know yourself all over again. Many times when one has been in a toxic relationship they tend to have compromised more of themselves than they should have. From small things such as making all your partners’ interests become yours. However, where the big problem lies is when you stopped nurturing your values, interests, and hobbies. Go at whatever pace is beneficial to you. There is no time frame for healing. However, through this healing start to nurture all your desires. Can be as small as taking yourself to your favorite restaurant. Or as big as moving to the new city you’ve always dreamt of living in. Either way, take the time out to reintroduce yourself. Don’t make the mistake of attaching to a bunch of people to fill a void. It’s only going to hurt you more.

Allow yourself to feel every emotion…You are going to go through a roller coaster of emotions. Some days you may feel perfectly fine and healed. Others you are going to be pissed at. With the most unavoidable emotion being sadness. Even though the relationship may have been toxic it does not take away from the love you had for that person. While some may try to tell you it wasn’t love if it was toxic. That might be true for some. However, it is not my place to tell you what your emotions are rather give you some guidance on how to handle them best. While it will hurt like hell the best way to get through your emotions is to allow yourself to feel those emotions. It might get to a point where you need to reach out for more professional help such as a therapist. However, just know that there is nothing to be ashamed about for going to therapy. Anyone who thinks so probably needs therapy.

Build a support system…It is so important to have a HEALTHY support system. I know it is easy to attach to your friend who also is in a toxic relationship because they just understand and get you. However, that is not healthy. You are trying to create a new path for yourself to remove all the toxicity from your life. So if necessary get out of your comfort zone, make some new friends, and lean on the ones who will support you throughout this journey with nothing but positivity.

Figure out what healthy love looks, and feels like to you… If you’ve never been exposed to or seen healthy love it is foreign to you. You might not even be sure how you want to be loved. Well, this is where Tip 1 comes back into place. During this alone time, journal about what your ideal love looks and feels like to you. Do not limit yourself. Don’t think you are not deserving or capable of this love. Write it, speak it, and believe it. Know you are worthy of all things healthy.

Be patient…IT TAKES TIME. This will not be some journey you can put a time frame on. For some, it will take longer than you want. Just know if you are patient, follow the previous tips, and trust and believe in yourself you will get through this. It is hard getting over a toxic relationship but it is possible. Trust and believe you are deserving of it all and don’t ever waiver again on your standards.