He says I’m Manish. I hurry to disagree. I feel the way I walk, talk, and carry myself exudes femininity, at its means. He says I’m Manish. I chuckle and say ok. Tell him to enlighten me on how a woman like me is Manish, per se. He laughs in my face. I respond that this must be your way of trying to get a response out of me, because you still aren’t explaining how I’m so Manish. I state how I’ve never approached a man in my life. I allow men to be the lead. I don’t touch doors and damn sure never paid for a thing when a man was next to me. He said you lock eyes with your prey (men) and allow them to come to you. You use your feminine charm to make them amused. You act as if you are allowing him to lead you only to heighten his ego knowing damn well you’re making all the decisions. He asked if I should continue. I say please, because I’m still confused about how that makes me Manish. He laughs again in my face and tells me you are the very thing you can’t stand. Your alter ego, Jordan, is a misogynistic man. How can you not see? You cater to these men’s dreams of what a woman should be knowing all alone you’re selling a fantasy. Jordan Alexis at her means, is somewhat of a feminist. But your traditional logic of what relationships means in heterosexuality has your internalized misogyny heightened. Was it not you who believe you should cook, clean, cater, and fuck your husband to make him pleased. But also believe that being a wife has more to do with what you exude rather than the stereotypical duties of what he needs. You see Jordan, I love you dearly and I hate it. Because your uncalculated Manish ways have me in love with the woman of my dreams and my nightmares it seems. A woman who will cater to my every need but yet objectify me to constant criticism of what it looks like to be a man. You see, you hate me because I’m a man, and yet love me for those same reasons. You use the same misogynistic ways on men, and yet correct them when they vocalize their misogyny. You are only capable of being genuine when you are genuinely in love. If there’s no love in the playing field you just don’t give a fuck. If I didn’t know you any better I would say you’re a hypocrite, but you’re not. That’s what makes you so scary to me. You are one progressive, misogynist woman who I would love to say I do too. But I know if I hurt you you’ll treat me like prey. So I had to stop praying for you to be mine because I’m afraid you’re the one misogynist who could beat me at my own game.
